My mood and mental outlook... even my physical strength are presently being affected greatly by a lack of communication from my girlfriend.
This feeling is horrible. It reminds me of the pain I felt a long time ago. when I felt my relationship with another slipping away. And it reminds me too of another situation in which my communication was lacking and someone else felt the same as I feel now.
I certainly also feel a bit guilty. I went off to Europe and over three weeks managed 8 emails, one 10-minute call, and one message left on voicemail.
I knew going in that a long distance relationship - one from Texas to Colorado - would need constant communication to thrive. So perhaps I am to blame.
I feel like she is playing a game with me. And I feel like it is possible that she would do so, despite her statement of being 'tired of games' when we initially met. I feel like there is a chance she is not talking with me to play a game.
In the past two days, I have called 7 times. She had asked me to call on Sunday night when I returned from Europe. I did. Three times I think. And yesterday I called in the afternoon, then again in the evening, leaving messages all around. Later on I tried her home number, then her cell number, to no avail. Ring ring. No answer.
What's killing me most, and giving me a headache, and making the tears fall freely, is the scenarios I am generating in my head. It's easier for me to come up with the negative than it is the positive. But I do not think this is unfounded.. certainly she could have left a message, or called back. I mean, if we are through, over, finito, then at least have the courtesy to tell me.
If I do not hear from her soon, I suspect it will only mean one of two things: either, 1: our relationship is over, or 2: something has happened to her - illness, injury, etc. Both situations will be difficult to bear.
In the most positive of cases, i.e. that she has merely been busy, that knowledge might come too late. I mean, at some point I am going to need to mentally shut down to all this and close off from her.
Please talk with me A*. I am begging.