This weekend in Denver was something less than perfect.
The bright notes from it included a trip to a water park, aptly named 'Water World'; a round of mini-golf in which yours truly took an early lead, sunk a hole-in-one, but still got spanked by 10 strokes; a pair of movies 'Bridge Jones' Diary', and 'Lilo and Stitch'; and two lovely dinners - the first at a generally Thai restaurant (Big Bowl) and the second at an Italian restaurant, whose name I have but forgotten. Further on the plus side, I did manage to snag an upgrade on the return flight DEN-DTW, as my lovely platinum status on Continental goes a long way with Northwest. This certainly gave me some space to put down 300+ pages of Harry Potter.
My activities with A* this weekend were in general fun and lively, but for some reason I found a way to break down twice during my visit. In each situation, I questioned A*'s feelings for me and the strength of our relationship. Fuck. This shows me to be insecure about our relationship. I am left wondering if this is due to the level of feedback I get from her, or just because I am unconsciously sabotaging the relationship. If it is the latter, then I am going to need to put a quick end to it.
I am genuinely wondering if I am her type and if that matters - she indicated that I was not when I put her on the spot about it, saying I was just 'different', and that she considers it a good thing that I am not her usual type, as she has not had success with that type. I am also slightly bothered that I cannot quickly answer what value she is getting from the relationship. I feel like I should be able to answer this without blinking.
If my relationship with A* is going to continue then I am going to need to do the following things:
1) Fully accept her nature (levels of affection, expression)
2) Be more confident and not regress into child-Brian
3) not question her or put her on the defensive about issues we've already talked about.