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Last night, a special someone from my past, meandered curiously onto my journal, and called me on the phone soon thereafter. Surprised, I stumbled through the first five minutes of the conversation; it also had something to do with us not having spoken in more than a year.
The reason why we hadn't spoken, and why I had written only occassionaly, was due to my belief that the 'social intimacy' that we shared was too great for that of two people who should be no more than friends. I realized that had we broken up and ended on bad terms, our communication would have suffered or become different; but as it was, and as it currently is, we are still able to talk nearly at the level (depth) that we spoke at
when we were still going out. And as she's currently seeing someone, someone who she is evidently very close to, I find myself thinking that the communication level we still somehow share is inappropriate. It's a love-hate thing, really. Well, sort-of. I treasure the way in which we're able to speak to eachother; I know she does too. But I'm bothered by my belief that we shouldn't be speaking, despite our desire to.
What also bothered me, and prevented us from communicating consistently, was my notion that she never saw how I perceived what had occurred between us. I felt grossly disconnected from her. So, I did the only reasonable thing I could do - I asked her if she could try seeing the world from my point of view. She did, and I felt more free than I've felt in a while.
In the aftermath of our 2.5 hour conversation, I felt good that we had spoken, and even better that she had called me. I'm even thinking we might soon speak again.
Tonight I find myself in Detroit after two interesting hops from Austin to Detroit (through Houston). Somehow I managed to acquire business first class tickets, and I'll definitely need to figure out why this happenned. No matter - the service and the food were better, (should I mention the red wine and the margarita were both free and extraordinary) and on the 2.5 hour leg to Detroit, I discovered I was sitting next to a CEO of a major energy transportation company; we had a pretty cool conversation.
Tomorrow is going to be a long day, and I definitely need my sleep. Good night, and thanks for listening.
[ surgery commentary (0) ] ... [ perform
brain surgery ]
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